Is it the REAL Christmas yet?

I was speaking with one of the women in my support group and she said, "I don't think I'm going to do Christmas cards this year, I mean exactly WHAT do you say!" The answer is I have no idea but, as I've found with almost everything about being a widow, the hardest part is screwing up the courage to try. So here goes...

Let me start by acknowledging this year has been a difficult one. In addition to dealing with Eric's illness and death, we've moved half way across the country, started new schools, decorated an enormous white box of a house and made some wonderful new friends. I must admit listing it all makes me pause, and I lived it! None of his would have been possible without the love and support of too many people to name. Our gratitude for your compassion, kindness and care is immeasurable. We simply pray God will bless you in turn.

As for Team Plummer, we are adjusting to this new family of four. It's difficult, some times I look at a picture of Eric (I've finally taken them out of the boxes) and think, "I just can't believe you're actually gone." I know in my mind that it's true. I remember all the painful details and yet, part of me can't believe it. It is sort of how I feel when looking at the kids newborn pictures. I know they were that little. When we brought the girls home they were smaller than my forearm and yet, looking at them now, it's hard to believe they were ever that small. I'm told this is all very normal. Grief is a strange ride I must admit.

The girls are loving kindergarten and are reading above everyone's expectations. Their teacher raves about what good, kind and helping students they are. I am very proud but, must admit they have inherited their fathers love of school! They just finished a session of ballet at the park district (see the video on facebook). Chloe has committed to ballet, at least until she is 12. She wants to dance on her toes before she tries something new. Amanda is off to gymnastics in January. Ballet was fun but, the tumbling and balance beam are too enticing.

While Evan and I have had some epic battles, I believe the night he spent in his room with no toys, pillows or electricity was the turning point in our relationship. He and I are enjoying a new honeymoon period where in I have the official title of "bestest mommy". He is doing well in school and is due for another holiday program. I'm hoping it will be as hillarious as the fall program. Keep tuned for more video.

Evan asks me every morning, "Mommy is it the REAL Christmas yet?" What a joy it is to see the excitement of Christmas in a child's eyes. My wish for you this year is that you too might see the peace, love and joy of Christmas in a child's eyes, especially as you look in the mirror. For you too, are a child of God.

Blessings to you all!
Amy, Chloe, Amanda & Evan

P.S. As I mentioned in my previous post, I am switching to the facebook format. I know some of you have already followed me there. I hope many more of you will too! This however, will be my last post. I plan to leave the site up, I know there are some of you who come here just to see the pictures. Thank you again for walking this road with me. It was an honor to have you.

Hello Everyone!

I know some of you still check this on a semi-regular basis. I haven't been updating as much as I'd like and to tell you the truth, well, working here in this environment feels a bit like a time and space I'd like to forget. So....I've decided to switch formats and invite you all to join me. I've set up a facebook page. It allows me to do pictures, video, blogging just as this does but, it is much more conducive to two way communication than this ever hoped to be. For those of you who are not techno savy, don't fret, it is not difficult. Just go to www.facebook.com and sign up. You will get your own page for free and then to access me, just search for Amy Howard Plummer. You'll have to invite me to be a friend. For those of you who I may not know personally, just include a note about being a fan of ericplummer.com and I'll happily accept your invite. I look forward to seeing and speaking to you all very soon!

Blessings,
Amy

PS...just to encourage you, I put my first blog in a long time up yesterday!

He's a nut!

Evan had his fall program last week. I must be getting the hang of this whole widow thing because I actually felt prepared. After getting blindsided with the first day, I am pleased to report both Evan and I came away relatively unscathed by the noticeable absence of Eric amidst the sea of dads. I am still amazed how much Evan looks like Eric. On any given day I would tell you he acts much more like me but today I'm blaming it all on Eric. I hope you enjoy!

Oh, October!

I'm thinking about boycotting breast cancer awareness month. The truth is after the past year, the last thing I need is a heightened awareness of cancer. I mean really, it's everywhere. October used to be one of my favorite months. How can you not fall in love with the beauty of the month. It's like that song from Chris Tomlinson, " the earth is filled with His glory". When is that more evident than in the beauty of fall's colors? And the weather, cool in the morning with a chill at night. I love sleeping with the windows open! But every where I turn, it's Cancer, Cancer, Cancer. It's in magazines, even Ann Taylor Loft has a coupon supporting it, and do I need to mention all those little pink ribbons. It's as if it's there, mocking me. Na, Nana boo boo, I got your husband!

The worst part is while I do feel justified, I also feel guilty. Cancer awareness is a wonderful and important thing. I'm certain hundreds of thousands of lives are saved by the education. It's just not so great for those of us who are already intimately aware. I wonder how many others feel the same way. To be honest, it never occurred to me. Perhaps next year, when October rolls around, I'll renew my love affair with October. Right now, we're on speaking terms but ever so slightly estranged.

Go Team Plumtastic

The kids and I are all doing very well. Our school morning routine is turning into a well oiled machine! It feels good to be in a more "normal" routine. Have no fear, we have found many things to keep us busy. We're heading to Ohio next week and I'm off to VEGAS with a girlfriend (Hi Stacy) at the end of the month. But the one thing we are very excited about is the Wellness House 5K walk we'll be participating in. If you want to learn more about it, check out our site;
http://www.events.org/sponsorship.aspx?id=9984

The Ultimate Do Not Call List

Ok, so for many reasons, being a new widow is not fun. There is the hurdles you jump through when changing health insurance to the COBRA benefits, the new widow box you have to check every time a form needs to be completed, there is the painfully visible absence of Dad on the first day of school and the annoyingly stinky garbage that needs to be taken out each Sunday night just to mention a few. But every once-in-a-while you come across a hidden benefit you never expected.

Today Amanda answered the phone for me, Chloe and Evan are battling strep throat and a nasty fever that won't seem to go away so I was busy tending to them. I could tell by the caller ID that it was an 800 number and was just about ready to tell her not to answer when I heard her sweet voice say,

"Hello, who is this? My name is Amanda." (We've been practicing our phone etiquette) Then just as sweetly she says,"Sorry, he's dead but you can talk to my mom".

Now before you start to think how sad, let me just say that before I could put the phone to my ear the line was, for lack of a better word, dead too. I guess we just enrolled ourselves into the ultimate "do not call list".

I hope you too will be able to find humor and gratitude in silver linings today. No matter what the situation, God always sends one. I think it's his way of reminding us we're not alone and he is in control.

We're all doing well here, except for being sick. KONE came today and picked up Eric's car. It was sad, just another reminder that he's not coming back. Every time I walk to the garage, I'm reminded again. I suppose buying a sports car isn't the solution but it seems like a good idea right now! I'll keep you posted.

Blessings to you all!
Amy

Well I was returning an email from my pledge mom in college and It occurred to me that you all might enjoy an update too. So, here's a snippet:


All in all, I think we are doing pretty good. Amanda and I have had a few moments this last week, one in particular with the two of us sitting in Eric’s closet smelling his clothes. The tears were flowing because we could still smell him on some and could no longer smell him on others. This mourning thing is quite sneaky that way. Evan is being 3 which in itself is annoying! We’ve been working on better ways to express our anger than yelling at the top of our voice “YOU’RE MAKING ME ANGRY!!!”. You want them to be able to express themselves but really...there must be a better way. I remember when he was littler he used to just hit. Later he would say in an Arnold Schwarzenegger voice, “I’m going to hit you now” and then hit. It took a while for me to not burst out laughing before I could remind him if he hit, he’d get in trouble. Fortunately, it passed, I’m sure the anger yelling will too. As for Chloe, she’s excited about starting school tomorrow but while she won’t tell me, I know she’s secretly scared as well. She doesn’t particularly like new things. We are always stretching her, Amanda and I. Unfortunately, Amanda has strep throat and won’t be going to school the first day. It’s going to be interesting tomorrow at the bus stop. I’d say it’s a 75% chance of tears and a 50/50 chance she actually gets on the bus with out some physical help from me.

I'll post a picture tomorrow!
Blessings to you all,
amy