A Minor Setback... 7/30/07

A Minor Setback…

Sorry for the delay between postings. I actually have not been doing so hot, and wasn’t really motivated to write you all about that…

Last Wednesday was actually a pretty good day and I was really looking forward to building on that. But Thursday came and I threw my back out. I probably stupidly went to work anyway and toughed though the day. I finally couldn’t see straight through the pain and drove home, with just the simple lifting of my legs to operate the pedals almost more than I could take. I got home went to bed, iced my back and realized that I had maxed out my pain meds and still could not find relief; Time to call Nurse Kathy (the awesome nurse to my oncologist, Dr. Lozada). She said to go to the ER that this wasn’t good. That they’d order an MRI for me. I knew she was going to say this, but I literally broke down and wept at that, because that meant 3-4 hours sitting and waiting in the waiting room (sitting is not a good option for me in this state), plus I dread the MRI. I am highly claustrophobic and the ancient ER MRI and I have tangled in the past. It is an old fashioned one, only goes head in first, and I barely fit in it, eliciting horrific thoughts of entombing/entrapment/etc… The last time it took 4 tries to get me in that MRI machine and tons of prayer for courage. Needless to say, I was not happy about going. I calmed down through much prayer and left with Amy around 5:00pm.

We sat in the waiting room for 2 hours, but fortunately Nurse Kathy instructed them to get me to a gurney after triage saw me. I then lay there until 9:30pm when they wheeled me down to the MRI. I got in on one try (with the aid of some anti-anxiety meds), and did two full scans, one without and one with contrast dye (total in the machine time: about an hour). I then lay back on my gurney until 3:30am. It was how long it took for a radiologist to read it and tell us the report of a fractured L3. I was admitted to the hospital at 4:00am…

SO… Friday and the weekend sucked. Especially in light of my hopes of the continued improvement I was expecting. This was a definite setback.

But like all things, when you get knocked down, you gotta get back up. Walter Payton, the greatest running back ever to play the game is my inspiration. He ran for something like 16,500 yards in his career. That is over 10 miles of running with the ball. But the really impressive point to this was his persistence. He “only” averaged around 4 yards a carry (that is a fantastic yards per carry…). That meant, the whole time while he ran hard for those 10 miles, a group of big angry guys, all trying to stop/hurt him, tackled him to the ground every 12 feet… You gotta get back up…

That is what I am trying to do here. Every setback. Get back up, get going. This is what you can pray for me at this reading.

And I see this focus change to radiation therapy as a side step at worst in my treatment plan. Obviously we wished we could have avoided it, but simply need to address this issue for a bit…. So as not to lose momentum on the chemo, I will continue light doses of chemo on Fridays.

And this might actually be a blessing in disguise… Because one real important thing to consider is that we are taking it right to the tumors now. Killing them even more directly. There is great satisfaction in that and the doctors think my back pain should greatly diminish over the next few weeks. PRAY FOR THAT!!! ☺

And the fight goes on.

Thanks so very much for your continued prayers. I love you all.

Eric

Ding! Ding! Round Two!!! ...7/20/07

Ding! Ding! Round Two!!!

Round 1 wraps up…

****WARNING**** SOME OF THE CONTENT IN THIS BLOG IS REALLY QUITE GROSS – DEFINITELY LANDING IN THE “TOO MUCH INFORMATION CATEGORY” FOR THE CASUAL READER (AND I CAN’T BELIEVE I AM WRITING THIS, BUT I FEEL I MUST MAINTAIN MY JOURNALISTIC CREDIBILITY. THAT AND THERE MUST CERTAINLY BE SOME BLOGGER CODE OUT THAT PROBABLY SAYS WE MUST BEAR ALL SHAME).

Today was a good day. I steadily improved each day from Sunday, with Thursday and today almost approaching me feeling normal. Maybe it would be better said that I had multiple moments of normalcy (plus that sounds far more eloquent….). I am still bothered by three new annoyances that are surely by-products of the Chemo…

My bowels are totally out of whack. (TOLD YOU…) Pain meds and the chemo bound me up like never been seen, from Friday last week through Wednesday, then my extensive laxative, stool softening, and fiber plan, in full effect since Saturday, finally blew the lid off the fountain. So Wednesday and Thursday, I had the exact opposite problem, running for the can with a 20 second window at the first rumble in the gut. So Thursday night I go so far as to take Immodium ID. I now have not moved a bowl again since. CRRRRAP! (Read with a Scottish accent, always funny; and also enjoy the pun) Joking aside: This has been pure misery. And I am still trying to dial this in.

I still had many moments of what must be low grade anxiety – There are times at night and first thing in the morning where I can’t really focus some of the time and am not sleeping more than an hour at a pop without waking up briefly. It must be what having a severe case of ADD or ADHD is like. My mind just runs, but all over and around. But not in a focused direction. This seems to have incrementally improved though to now. I hope that that will remain the case. Unfortunately, the nurses say this is common enough to have gotten a cute name: “Chemo Brain”. I hope I can fully shake that but fear that will be a 1st 4 day thing for each cycle. They did just give me Adavan for this and I hope that it will clear it up chemically.

Sleep... Good sleep alludes me. This last Sunday-Monday night was the worst night in my entire life. 8-20 minutes of sleep at a crack. Wake up. Stare at clock. Want to swear it has not moved more than 10 minutes. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. From 8:30pm to 7am. This is no exaggeration. Plus three dozen fruitless trips to the can; Trying for anything. No, can’t forget those... They were like doing a squat work-out with free weights. The next day my highs and knees were sore in addition to the back and hip…

But, I have hopes that I can dial all of these issue in to a manageable routine and I am officially scoring Round one….. It goes to……… Eric! Judges cards: 10-9, 10-9, 10-9.

Round 2 Starts
Today, Friday saw the beginning of Chemo Round #2. But I only got the Gemzar today (last round had a cocktail of Gemzar + Taxol + Carboplatin). I will get a Nuelasta shot tomorrow for the extra production of my bone marrow to start. The “expected” side effects for this round are not pleasant, but I believe the can be very manageable. Again, I fear that this will be a learning cycle, and will require “dialing in”… I will keep you all posted.


PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE keep your prayers rolling in. I can feel them and God answers prayers!!!

Love, in Christ, Eric Plummer

PS. Psalm 86 gave me great comfort on Wednesday night. Open your bible (or go find one – EVERY house has one). Please check it out Pray and meditate over it for me!!

The battle has begun....7/15/07

Well... sorry for the delay in between blogs. I am pretty tired right now but can happiily say that the battle has begun. I have started to fight back!

Friday's chemo day was uneventful and Saturday was a tired day snoozing in bed most of the day. I claimed the first two days of battle as mine. Today, Sunday, has been tough. Rough nausea and vomiting in the morning and can't seem to get feeling right. I just showered and decided to try to blog some of my stupor away. It does seem to be working.

I have decided to occaisionally talk to my cacner. Like when I asked it how this chemo was treating it. I imagained a responses in a thousand tiny little voices: "What the f#@$!!!" When the attack started! :)

I can admit to you all that I am worried about how I am going to react during all the chemo. Today has been discouraging and I can't even imagine I have seen anything close to the level of nausea, pain and discomfort that I will eventually see over the course of the coming cycles. I hope I can be up and about, be a good father, and be productive at work.

I can also admit that I have been narrow in my prayers. They have been all for me and helpng me feel better today and through this ordeal. I will be spedning time thanking God for all of you right after I post this.

Keep me in your thoughts and prayer! Ask that our Lord, will reach out with his healing touch to comfort and strengthen me during this time.

More later... Love, Eric

Thinking in the Now (7/4/07)

It is funny how much a difference a day or two can
make in your entire outlook on life. My entire adult life has been spent
planning on what was next. Not something as mundane as my next meal or what to
do the next day; nothing like that…

I have always focused my dreaming, thinking and
planning on mid- to long-term things: My next professional goal, my next
personal goal, my next financial goal, my next parental goal/milestone, next
car I want to drive, next large project around the house, next guitar I will
buy, where I want to live next, where I want to retire to, what kind and when
I’ll get a toy car to goof around with, future hobbies I want to take on (as
if I didn’t have enough already). These are all months, years, and decades
away from becoming a reality, but I thought about each of those things almost
as if I needed to be prepared in case there was ever a giant pop quiz sprung
on me. Because then I’d be prepared to explain all of my dreams in an
organized and thoughtful way... Ha!

I also spent time thinking about the past. I
enjoyed reminiscing on the countless pleasant memories I have from childhood,
school years, and adult life. I don’t even mind the occasional recollection of
the less pleasant ones, assuming I was able to learn from those mistakes… I
can also say that I have very few regrets. And of those few that I do have,
they don’t seem to have left any permanent damage (at least not any that I am
aware of) …

But for almost the first two weeks after finding
out that I had cancer, I stopping thinking about anything other than right
now. That is sobering: Not being able to think about anything other than
this moment that is much less than pleasant. That there may not be a future at
all for me…

That was the scariest for me, especially since so
much of my future planning involves Amy and the kids. I didn’t fear dying but
I feared that maybe I won’t be there to experience all of my family’s next
“firsts”: First ball games, kisses, heartbreaks, driving, proms, graduations,
weddings, etc… And then the flip side thought was just as bad: the idea of
them not having me there either, and having to watch other kids’ dads in the
stands or audience, a constant reminder… And probably the worst thought of
all: That if I go quick, none of my kids will probably even have a genuine
memory about me (they are only 4 and 2). These thoughts brought on my
strongest sadness and tears. They will not actually ever know me.

A few days ago, I even read in a cancer book that
cancer patients should only live “in the now”. That this is actually healthy.
My thoughts were being validated…

But after the initial shock of the news and after
our initial research on prognosis’ stats on WebMD (don’t do this… not
helpful...), I have decided that living only in the “now” is far too limiting.
It does not give hope any room to breathe. And it certainly doesn’t offer up
much chance for dreams to help carry me through to the next day on any days
where “now” may be too heavy to deal with.

While I definitely think I will be more grounded
in my daily thoughts. I will not give up the dreams of what a great future I
am going to have with my family, friends, and career.