The Ultimate Do Not Call List

Ok, so for many reasons, being a new widow is not fun. There is the hurdles you jump through when changing health insurance to the COBRA benefits, the new widow box you have to check every time a form needs to be completed, there is the painfully visible absence of Dad on the first day of school and the annoyingly stinky garbage that needs to be taken out each Sunday night just to mention a few. But every once-in-a-while you come across a hidden benefit you never expected.

Today Amanda answered the phone for me, Chloe and Evan are battling strep throat and a nasty fever that won't seem to go away so I was busy tending to them. I could tell by the caller ID that it was an 800 number and was just about ready to tell her not to answer when I heard her sweet voice say,

"Hello, who is this? My name is Amanda." (We've been practicing our phone etiquette) Then just as sweetly she says,"Sorry, he's dead but you can talk to my mom".

Now before you start to think how sad, let me just say that before I could put the phone to my ear the line was, for lack of a better word, dead too. I guess we just enrolled ourselves into the ultimate "do not call list".

I hope you too will be able to find humor and gratitude in silver linings today. No matter what the situation, God always sends one. I think it's his way of reminding us we're not alone and he is in control.

We're all doing well here, except for being sick. KONE came today and picked up Eric's car. It was sad, just another reminder that he's not coming back. Every time I walk to the garage, I'm reminded again. I suppose buying a sports car isn't the solution but it seems like a good idea right now! I'll keep you posted.

Blessings to you all!
Amy

Well I was returning an email from my pledge mom in college and It occurred to me that you all might enjoy an update too. So, here's a snippet:


All in all, I think we are doing pretty good. Amanda and I have had a few moments this last week, one in particular with the two of us sitting in Eric’s closet smelling his clothes. The tears were flowing because we could still smell him on some and could no longer smell him on others. This mourning thing is quite sneaky that way. Evan is being 3 which in itself is annoying! We’ve been working on better ways to express our anger than yelling at the top of our voice “YOU’RE MAKING ME ANGRY!!!”. You want them to be able to express themselves but really...there must be a better way. I remember when he was littler he used to just hit. Later he would say in an Arnold Schwarzenegger voice, “I’m going to hit you now” and then hit. It took a while for me to not burst out laughing before I could remind him if he hit, he’d get in trouble. Fortunately, it passed, I’m sure the anger yelling will too. As for Chloe, she’s excited about starting school tomorrow but while she won’t tell me, I know she’s secretly scared as well. She doesn’t particularly like new things. We are always stretching her, Amanda and I. Unfortunately, Amanda has strep throat and won’t be going to school the first day. It’s going to be interesting tomorrow at the bus stop. I’d say it’s a 75% chance of tears and a 50/50 chance she actually gets on the bus with out some physical help from me.

I'll post a picture tomorrow!
Blessings to you all,
amy

Well we are here in Florida and while the weather is hot and steamy we're still having a great time! It's funny, in Illinois, there are very few memories of Eric lurking around the corner waiting to surprise me. Here, there isn't just one but many at each turn. I went out this morning to turn in my safety deposit key and barely made it out of the bank before the tears starting rolling. I remember the day Eric came home from the bank, so proud of himself that he'd rented a box. The truth is we never put anything in there! Just seeing his signature, made the memories come flooding back.

I have not been looking forward to my trip to the jeweler to have my engagement ring cleaned and checked. Eric had developed a friendship with the owner while buying my ring. After every child was born, he bought me a present and himself a new watch. I so didn't want to have to explain one more time the particulars of Eric's death and sickness. Additionally, I know the day will come when it is time to take my rings off, but I am not ready yet. It is not lost on me the provision of God these days. He has in many ways, taken care of those things I wasn't sure I could handle. Today is no exception. Our dear jewelry store was just an empty store front with a for rent sign in the window. While I know the irony is thick, I am ever more grateful for the hand of God working visibly in our lives.

Part of me has been dreading this flood of memories. Now that I'm here, I've decided to try and cherish them instead. I'd like to say I drive around town looking for them (it would sound so healthy of me), but the truth is, I'm just not griping the steering wheel anxiously anymore. It's a start.

People keep asking me how I'm doing these days, I've been thinking about saying hopeful. I'll leave you with a quote from our bible study again. Hope you like it, it is a reference from Jeremiah 17:5-8.

Hope grows best in the soil of faithfulness. As we live our lives for God, loving his law, doing his will, immersing ourselves in his Word, believing he is who he says he is, and worshiping him together with his people, our hope will grow stronger, and we will be like the tree planted by water, whose leaves are always green and supple

I don't know about you, but I'd like to be forever green and supple. It reminds me of the palm trees here. They bend and sway with those hurricane winds but rarely break. I can't wait to see many of you on Friday at the service. Bring your best stories, we'll have a great roast!

The last week has been quite busy. Busy with all the things of a spouse dying they don't bother to show you on "Steel Magnolias" or "Terms of Endearment". Things like visits to the bank and the health club to close accounts. I sat in the Social Security office and was just struck by all the papers strewn about on the desk. To them that is who Eric was, just a bunch of documents. My sister reminded me, he was so much more than that. But reality had already struck.

Eric's ashes arrived yesterday. It was a strange moment in that they also delivered the tie Eric wore. His mom wanted to keep it and so the tie was removed after the funeral. I just stood there with the tie in one hand and the urn in the other. Talk about the irony. I'm not sure you could have scripted a better scene. The only thing missing was a sad background song about the finality of it all.

I did a Beth Moore study this spring and one of the sessions talked about how God sings over our lives.

Zephaniah 3:17
17 The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing."

Eric and I had a long talk about this, it was one of the last God talks we had. He loved the idea that God sang in general but specifically sang over us. Beth Moore reasoned God must have taught the stars and angels to sing (Job 38:7). How else would they have known? She went on to say that "our salvation experience is accompanied by music". God and the heavens singing over us when we get it right, singing over us when we get it wrong, singing over us when the music's qued for the sad background song. I suppose because Eric loved music so much he cherished the thought of God singing over him. We never talked about what those songs would have been. I wish now I would have asked. He always had a soft spot for the heavy metal hair bands. Beth Moore made the joke that when we got to heaven, Jesus would meet us at the gates with our own personalized CD. A compilation of the "greatest hits" of our lives, all sung by God himself. I sort of hope that one really happens.

My dad's brothers & wives gave us a gift certificate for the local nursery. I had a tree delivered this morning and planted in the back yard. It is a beautiful tree about 17 feet tall already. In it's prime it should be 60 feet tall with beautiful orange/red fall colors. Seemed like a fitting tribute. The kids and I sat in it's shade this morning. When you live in a new subdivision, shade is a valuable commodity. I've been trying to think of the appropriate song for our soundtrack. The only one I can think of is Coldplay's "fix you". I'm pretty sure God's up to the challenge. What's God singing over you right now?

I've finally got the details ironed out for the service in Florida.

Friday August 15th, 5:30pm
Christ Church UM Gym
4845 NE 25th ave
Fort Lauderdale
954-771-7300

I added the picture of the kids at the funeral. I hope you like it!